Still Crazy After All of These Years
by AnberlinLove
Summary: That was the last time Dean had felt his warmth. He hadn't come back for months afterwards. Why, it was never explained. Maybe to 'keep focused'. Set in season 6. SLASH Dean/Cas


**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. Deal with it.**

**Well, this was inspired by a song with the same title by Paul Simon. Also, by the scene in 6x03 where Cas says something akin to 'Its good to stay focused.' and Dean has the utmost crestfallen look on his face. So, this is how the oneshot was born. Enjoy.**

**Still Crazy After All of These Years**

_He ran his hands over the man's soft skin. In love with the goose bumps raised._

_The blue-eyed man moaned, back arching into the feeling. Dean smiled softly, kissing Cas' neck. Fingers wrap in smooth hair, slipping through strands. _

"_Dean…I have to go…" _

"_No…"_

_Castiel moaned, legs wrapping around the ex-hunter's waist, "But Lisa…"_

"_Ten more minutes," he grinned into the skin of his lover's neck._

_The angel nodded, lips crashing with Dean's. A moan slipped past the taller man's lips, filling Cas' mouth deliciously. He let out small pants as Dean's fingers caressed his thick flesh between their two bodies._

"_You said ten more minutes, it'll take longer than that…"_

"_Hmmm….watch me…"_

"Dean?" Castiel growled out as his attention slipped, "Are you even listening?"

He shook his head, "Yeah. Right here Cas."

Castiel held his eyes for only a split second before continuing his explanation about the new weapon they had to track down. Dean caressed the side of Lisa's arm, trying to appreciate her warmth.

"But it's not going to be too dangerous is it?" she asked softly as Cas paused, "I mean…"

Castiel forced a smile at her, "No. Dean will be fine."

Dean's eyes slid closed for a moment, "Yeah, Lisa. Don't worry sweetheart."

The angel gritted his teeth at the term of endearment, "Anyway. We leave in two hours."

"_Dean…" Castiel whined as he felt his release nearing, completely engulfed in love for the man above him._

"_Shh…I'm right here Cas. Right here."_

Sam shifted uncomfortably at the obvious tension in the room, disbelieving of how Lisa didn't catch it. He gave Dean a pointed look which his brother ignored.

"Lisa, you mind fixing us some lunch before we hit the road?" he asked while kissing her head softly.

"Yeah, no problem," she answered with a chaste kiss to his lips before disappearing into the kitchen.

Surprisingly, the loss of her warmth was a blessing. Sam cleared his throat, walking into the living room to sit on the couch leaving the other two men in the foyer.

"_Lisa is here…" Castiel whispered as he kissed over Dean's temple, "Will you be okay tonight?"_

_Dean sighed deeply, arms tightening momentarily around his angel's waist, "Yeah… But if the nightmares…"_

"_I'll be here."_

"_I…"_

"_I know."_

"_Take care Cas," he struggled to say as he rolled over, leaving the man free to go._

"_I will."_

That was the last time Dean had felt his warmth. He hadn't come back for months afterwards. Why, it was never explained. Maybe to 'keep focused'. He gritted his teeth at the memory of Cas' words in the motel a few weeks ago.

"Well, I'll go until you two are ready to leave," Castiel said softly, "Call if you-"

"Yeah."

Castiel let out a deep sigh, inching towards Dean but then thinking better of it, "I'm sorry, Dean."

"Do you regret it?" Dean let out suddenly, his eyes refusing to meet the angel's.

Caught off guard, he stared wordlessly at the hunter, "What?"

"You know what I'm talking about, Cas," he forced the tears pricking at his eyes back. Shit, being with Lisa made him a fucking girl.

"Dean…"

"Just answer."

"Of course not. I simply did what I had to do to keep you safe."

Dean's eyes snapped to his at the words, hurt evident in them, "What you had to do?"

"Dean-"

"No. I get it," he shook his head, running a hand down his face, "I just didn't know that was part of your job description is all."

Castiel looked away, struggling with the feeling of disgust of himself, "Neither did I."

"See you when we're ready."

With a whoosh of air, the angel was gone. Dean let out a sigh he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He slowly staggered to the stairs, sinking onto the surface. Covering his face, he fought down the sobs that threatened to wrack his body.

"Dean?" Lisa asked softly, bending her head around the corner.

He looked up sharply, "Yeah?"

Her eyes looked conflicted for a moment before she shook her head, "Uh, lunch is ready. Why don't you eat…and then call him back over here?"

A sinking feeling fell into his belly as he realized that she knew. For how long, he didn't know. But she knew. She forced a smile at him, shrugging and beginning to turn into the kitchen.

"Lisa," she stopped, "How long have you known? How did you?"

She let out a breath, "A while. When you started having your nightmares again."

His eyes widened, but she cut him off before he could reply, "Dean. I'm not stupid. I knew I could never tie you down. I know that you, you have feelings for him. I don't know what they are but they are there. I'm not full of myself enough that I believed I could take that pain away from you. Only the grace of God could. Castiel is full of that."

"Lisa…"

"I think he lied Dean," she smiled sadly, "It wasn't his job. It was his choice."

o.0

He leaned against his car, staring off into the sky. A flap of wings alerted him to Cas' presence beside him. Turning his head, his eyes met with the angel's.

"Hey."

"You boys ready to go?"

"Did you just refer to me as a boy?" Dean grinned.

Castiel laughed shortly, "Yeah, I think I just did."

"Gotta love the irony of that."

The angel let out another short laugh, "Dean…"

"I know," he dipped his head to catch Cas' eyes, "Cas, I know."

Castiel's face remained impassive before he crashed his lips to the hunter's, hand cradling the back of his head. Dean moaned and wrapped his fingers around the angel's trench coat, tugging him closer. Cas sighed, resting his forehead against Dean's. A feeling of contentedness filled the two of them.

"We can't do this, you know," Cas breathed, "Lisa…"

"Lisa understands."

"Is this what you want?"

"Maybe. Honestly, I don't even know."

Castiel nodded, "Agreed."

"But we'll work on it," Dean breathed, separating himself from the other man.

"Hmm," Castiel ran his hands over Dean's cheeks, "Depends, if we're working on it, do I still get to touch you the way I used to?"

"I never told you to stop," he smiled cheekily.

"Dean Winchester," he paused to rub his lips against his, "You'll be the end of me."

"I've been the end of you."

"Hush…"

"Really, three times."

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